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sorry guys. i'm not "ignoring" your advice. this is my first car. i do not have the skills, tools, time, or space to figure this out by myself. i figured i would rather let a mechanic take care of it than screw with it myself.
the dealer called and also has no idea what's wrong with it. they said "good news, we got it to start. bad news, we don't know how...."
he said there may be an exposed wire somewhere in the dash thats "injecting" voltage into another wire.. i was half asleep when i talked to him. he said he's going to call me back today to update me.
probably buying a buick regal.
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