whelp... its not.
I found all the brown wires coming OUT of the fuse block, and cut them all. from left to right, the first 3, and the last 2 are all shorted. the middle ones aren't.
so does that mean its the relays in the front of the car that got cooked?
also, when i cut these, the transaxel light is no longer shorted. so its defintely downstream from where i was looking.
hooray for progress! boo for where its pointing.